3

I couldn’t comprehend the love you felt
All these years, I held the blame.
Though you told me it wasn’t my fault,
I felt it all the same

You couldn’t have done anything different
You couldn’t have cleared my gray skies
There was a demon inside me much bigger than you,
than I.

Though cut from the same cloth,
It was hidden deep behind.
It lied through pointed teeth, portraying itself as a smile.

I meant to love you
I meant to trust you
I meant to care
But I guess I forgot how to.

You thought I wanted control.
I wanted peace.
You thought I was lying to manipulate.
I was lying to save face for you.

This was who I would be.
Was I truly manipulative and spoiled?
Was I schizophrenic and out of touch?
Could they have been right ?
Would I be a liar, a con artist?

Wrong.
That was the story they wrote me in.
It was Not. MY. Story.

Thirty two and going strong.
I forgive myself because I was manipulated and wronged
by a system that vowed to protect me.
My words were warped, my scripting turned shady.
It was easy to twist my tongue.
I was too young, too innocent.

I didn’t know what it all meant, your twisted scheme.
The wicked words they spoke,
sat upon an innocent child’s shoulders for far too long.
I couldn’t handle the weight
at thirty, let alone, 3.